


You Say Things With Your Mouth

by MangaManiac



Series: Skate the Issue [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, College, Cutting, Depression, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, I'm sorry kei, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is mean sometimes, Someone save my writing, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9051445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MangaManiac/pseuds/MangaManiac
Summary: He wanted to be alone, to get lost in a book, to forget the pain and anxiety and the fear. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore, he wanted it to end, he wanted to bend, and then break, he wanted to quit trying. He laid down quietly, only then did he notice he had been shaking, and not just little shivers, these were true tremors making his entire body shake.Only then did Tsukki let his emotions boil over, he cried long and hard, but silently it may have been minutes or hours but eventually Yamaguchi made his way in to Tsukki’s room. He silently slipped into bed behind Tsukki and rubbed a soothing hand into the small of his back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Merry Christmas! I will leave this extra long chapter for everyone to enjoy today!
> 
> The beginning is dark but it gets better I promise!
> 
> The perspectives to day are Kuroo, Tsukki, and a little of Yamaguchi and Bokuto!

Tsukki seemed to freeze, he just stopped. He couldn’t breathe and his vision seemed to be blurring, he felt something wet slide down his face. Tears? Why am I crying?

 

“Tsukki, are you ok?” Yamaguchi seemed to ask him from a long distance off, however Tsukki slightly registered that Yamaguchi had moved to kneel down next to him. “Tsukki.” Yamaguchi seemed really concerned now. He numbly stood up, and slowly walked to his room, ignoring Yamaguchi’s quiet pleas to talk to him and tell him what was going on. He didn’t want to talk to Yamaguchi, he didn’t want to talk to anyone. He wanted to be alone, to get lost in a book, to forget the pain and anxiety and the fear. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore, he wanted it to end, he wanted to bend, and then break, he wanted to quit trying. He laid down quietly, only then did he notice he had been shaking, and not just little shivers, these were true tremors making his entire body shake.

 

Only then did Tsukki let his emotions boil over, he cried long and hard, but silently it may have been minutes or hours but eventually Yamaguchi made his way in to Tsukki’s room. He silently slipped into bed behind Tsukki and rubbed a soothing hand into the small of his back.

 

“You know you can talk to me and I’ll never judge you.” Yamaguchi said eventually draping one arm over Tsukki’s side and the other kept rubbing circles into his back.

 

“I’m just worried about you; I want to make sure you aren’t going to leave me here alone one day. You’ve never tried to tell me how you were feeling, and I should have asked you. I’m sorry Tsukki.” Yamaguchi’s calming tone caught on his last sentence, and he seemed to be crying. Tsukki quickly flipped over to face Yamaguchi.

 

“Don’t apologize.” That was all Tsukki could say in a weak voice, his eyes still bloodshot from crying earlier.

 

“But . . . I’m just so sorry Tsukki, I should have seen it earlier, how did I not notice? Tsukki I’m so so sorry.” Yamaguchi had gotten himself under control now, but he could still see that Yamaguchi was distraught and scared.

 

“You shouldn’t be, I’ve had a long time to perfect my mask, no one could ever tell.” He tried to give a little smile, but it only made his heart hurt so he stopped it quickly.

 

“Tsukki what is going on?”

 

“I can’t talk about it.”

 

“Tsukki please I want to help you!”

 

“No one can help me, and even if they could I don’t deserve it.”

 

“Don’t say that!” Yamaguchi said with some heat. Yamaguchi pushed their foreheads together and he seemed genuinely mad at Tsukki. “Kei you deserve to be happy, and get help from anyone you want, and you deserve to live a long life with friends and family, you deserve just as much as anyone else, more even. So, talk to me, let me help you!” Yamaguchi almost seem to be pleading now.

 

Tsukki stopped for a moment, thinking in the dark room letting the comfy weight of his blankets calm him. “I’ve done terrible things Yamaguchi.” He said in a very quiet voice, it was nothing more than a whisper and he half hoped Yamaguchi wouldn’t have heard him. It seemed he was out of luck today, Yamaguchi’s face softened and he took a long slow breath.

 

“Depressed?”

 

“Worse.”

 

“Anxiety?”

 

“Worse.”

 

“Suicide?” Yamaguchi’s voice shook.

 

“Yes.” Tsukki said it, and the weight of his thoughts hit him like a boulder that had finally come tumbling off of the cliff.

 

“Why are you wearing bandages?”

 

“I’m hurt.”

 

“Did you do it yourself?”

 

“Maybe.” Yamaguchi was troubled, Tsukki could see it on his face, but never once did he see any hate or judgement. He knew that answer would never fool Yamaguchi, so he decided to leave it at that.

 

“Ok, can I help in any way?” Yamaguchi seemed to truly want to help Tsukki, he wanted to make sure Tsukki was going to be ok.

 

“Just stay my friend, and maybe tell Kuroo I go for my run at the same time every morning.” Tsukki said relaxing, he knew Yamaguchi wouldn’t push him and he was glad they were friends, not that he’d ever say it.

 

* * *

 

 

Yamaguchi had been waiting outside of Tsukki’s room, he heard the quiet crying behind the door, and he waited. He wanted Tsukki to get whatever was going on together before he tried to get Tsukki to open up. He had tried forcing Tsukki to open up before and that was impossible to do, it always ended terribly. So he waited, no matter how much it hurt him to hear his best friend cry, he waited.

 

Eventually he heard Tsukki stop crying and he slowly walked in to Tsukki’s room, he shifted Tsukki’s covers up so he could slide in behind the still form of the blond. He choked on his words, and really all he could think about was why he had never noticed Tsukki’s pain, and why he had never gotten Tsukki to open up to him. He hurt and his heart throbbed as he heard the words coming out of Tsukki’s mouth, he couldn’t figure out what to do, but he wanted to help no matter what, and he was glad Tsukki was willing to listen.

 

When they finished he left Tsukki’s room and went into his room, he laid down and thought long and hard about everything he had just learned. He quickly typed out a couple of lines to Kuroo and laid down. He would help Tsukki as much as could that he was determined to do, and if Kuroo was a part of that, then he would definitely tell him.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo woke up as his phone buzzed to life, he looked at the time, his clock read 2:13. Why would someone be texting me this early in the morning, he thought as he picked up his phone.

 

**From: YamaGuchi**

Tsukki wants me to let you know he

goes for his run at the same time

every morning.

 

**To: YamaGuchi**

 

Why would he want me to know this?

 

**From: YamaGuchi**

 

I don’t know. Maybe you should ask

him tomorrow morning.

 

Kuroo sighed and put his phone back down and he planned to go for a run tomorrow morning with the tall blond, he smiled softly.

 

The morning came quickly and he got up getting dressed into his usual running gear, consisting of long sweat pants that he often rolled up to his mid-calf, topped by some combination of long sleeve shirt and light jacket, or a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. He tied on his running shoes and headed out with his earbuds in Lane Boy by Twenty One Pilots playing through the wires. He left the house at a slower pace than he normally would have, he was trying to get his head together. Why would Tsukki want to see him now? What had changed?

 

Tsukki was waiting right where he had been yesterday. Kuroo stopped and just kind of stared for a few minutes, it was like he forgot how to function for a minute. Then he remembered to pull out his earphones and he approached Tsukki.

 

“Umm, hi. What’s going on? Or should I ask how you are first? Maybe why you called me out here?” Kuroo seemed to go off unsure of himself. He watched as Tsukki just silently held up a finger.

 

“How long do you have?” Tsukki seemed nervous, but he wasn’t sure why.

 

“Umm, I have about an hour, maybe 45 minutes.” Kuroo responded quickly.

 

“Good, come on.”

 

* * *

 

Tsukki led them back to the café where he had been yesterday just before disaster struck, everything had moved so quickly. Somehow this pesky person had already wormed his way back into Tsukki’s life, and had somehow ruined it again in approximately 5 seconds. Why he even wanted to see this guy again he had no idea but he did and he had finally made a decision to change, he wouldn’t do it quickly, but an inch at a time would do.

 

“Tsukki, what are we doing here?” Kuroo asked from behind him.

 

“First of all, don’t call me that, my name is Tsukishima.” Tsukki responded seemingly irritated. “Second, we are talking, unless you are somehow incapable of that.”

 

“No, definitely not, I was just curious.” Kuroo said a little annoyed.

 

They got their drinks and Tsukki led them to his corner table. He sat down where he could see the whole shop, and Kuroo sat across from him. They sat for a few minutes slowly sipping at their hot drinks, and Tsukki was trying to get his head together. They sat there for about 15 minutes when he finally sighed and decided to just get on with it.

 

“Kuroo, do you know why I called you out here?” He asked pointedly.

 

“Well, no.” Kuroo said a little bit of confusion muddying his voice.

 

“I want to go back to playing volleyball, that is, if you’ll have me.” Tsukki said it quickly and he made sure he wasn’t looking at Kuroo as he said it, his face went red and he didn’t want the older man to see it.

 

“Of course! Of course we’ll have you! You were one of the best blockers in high school, we want that on the team!” Kuroo practically yelled, and the baristas all turned their heads to look at him as he half rose out of his seat.

 

“I-I’m glad. When can I come to practice?”

 

“Today if you want. You’ve kept in shape so you should be fine to play with us right away.” Kuroo slowly sat back down in his seat.

 

“Ok, I’ll be there.” Tsukki said with some happiness coloring his voice. His cheeks just kept getting hotter and he knew if he looked at Kuroo now it would just get worse. So he got up and left throwing away his now empty drink.

 

“Ahhh, wait Tsukki . . . Sorry, Tsukishima, was there something else you wanted to talk about?”

 

“No.” He said this with a little venom and he instantly regretted it, but he left anyway. He didn’t look back because he knew he would change his mind if he did, he didn’t want these feelings that came bubbling up as he looked at the older man. The last time he had feelings like that it had ended in him being torn apart to heal all alone, and a shattered mind to try and piece together with no help.

 

* * *

 

**To: YamaGuchi**

 

You didn’t say anything about this!

 

**From: YamaGuchi**

What?

 

**To: YamaGuchi**

 

You didn’t say he wanted to come back!

 

**From: YamaGuchi**

 

I didn’t know that was what he wanted

to talk to you about, he wouldn’t tell me

anything.

 

Kuroo couldn’t contain his excitement, Tsukki was coming back, he just hoped that what he had taught Tsukki hadn’t been forgotten. But, he knew it hadn’t it was Tsukki after all, one of the smartest people he knows, there was no way he had forgotten. He ran home and arrived out of breath, he hadn’t even realized that he was headed back before he walked through the doors. Oikawa peeked his head out of his room at Kuroo.

 

“Well you’re back early.” Oikawa remarked with one raised eyebrow at him.

 

“Tsukki’s coming back.” Kuroo practically shouted, his smile beaming across the room.

 

“Megane-kun? Well that’s interesting, didn’t he basically swear off volleyball after that ankle injury at the end of last year.” Oikawa said it pretty of manner-of-factly.

 

“Tsukki just told me himself he wants to come back; he’s coming to practice tonight.”

 

“That’s great!” Iwaizumi said as he poked his head out of Oikawa’s room. They must have spent the night together again, Bokuto and Kuroo had immediately taken the bedrooms on one side of the house so they couldn’t hear the two boyfriends. Iwaizumi and Oikawa were glad they hadn’t had to force that arrangement on anyone when they moved in.

 

“Did I hear you say Tsukki was coming back?” Bokuto asked from his room, although he didn’t come out, his voice carried well enough.

 

“Yep!” Kuroo yelled back happily.

 

“Cool! I wanna go up against his blocks!” Bokuto yelled back happily, he seemed excited for the new member.

 

They all got dressed and ate breakfast quickly, then they all got in their respective cars and left. Bokuto didn’t question Kuroo about Tsukki and their early morning meeting, which he was very happy about because he wouldn’t know how to explain it anyway. The day seemed to fly by and then all of the sudden he was at practice waiting for the others to show up. Surprisingly, the first one to walk into the gym was Tsukki, and Kuroo had to hide his utter surprise and happiness to see the tall blond. He secretly been very nervous that Tsukki would go back on his decision and not come to practice or back to volleyball.

 

* * *

 

Bokuto had guessed that something was going on with Tsukki after he saw Kuroo with Tsukki yesterday at the coffee shop. He wasn’t exactly certain of what was going on, but he knew that Kuroo seemed happier than he had in a while, and Tsukki could make him change that quickly then Bokuto was ok with it. He had seen Kuroo slowly growing sadder, and dejected and he knew that there were a lot of reasons for it but one had been the tall blond leaving volleyball, it had hit him hard.

 

But, now Tsukki was back and Kuroo was happy, at least for a little bit and that made him happy, so he wouldn’t question what was going on. He smiled as they got in the car and he prepared for his day, he was going to go see that tattoo artist again at 3:00, before practice and this time he was gonna get the guys number. He remembered the artists name Terushima, he was looking forward to it.

 

The day passed by in a blur and he finally got out of class at 2:50, the parlor where Terushima worked was a 5-minute walk from class so he started walking that way. He got there just before 3:00 since he had stopped to grab a quick bite to eat as he walked. He looked at the front counter and saw Terushima sitting there and his face lit up in a broad grin.

 

“Hey hey hey!” He said enthusiastically. Terushima looked up and smiled, and Bokuto just about dropped to the ground and died, that smile was gorgeous.

 

“Hey, good to see you again! What can I help you with today?” Terushima responded quickly.

 

“Ahh, I’ve decided on my artist for the tattoo.” Bokuto spoke quickly, “I would like you to do it if you have the time.”

 

“Really? Of course I have the time.” Terushima seemed surprised but enthusiastic.

 

“Ya really! I have an idea for it, but I don’t have any kind of design.” Bokuto seemed to quiet down and actually trail off as he realized what he was saying.

 

“That’s fine! What’s your idea?”

 

“Ahh, I was hoping to get a wolf with a somewhat tribal design, yours are so beautiful.”

 

“That sounds terrific, anything specific about it?”

 

“Not really, whatever you think pretty much anything goes.”

 

“Ok, I can work with that. When do you want it to be designed by?”

 

“Ahh I’m not on any deadline so anytime is really fine.”

 

“Ok, can I have your phone number so I can contact you for questions and such?” The question seemed innocent enough, but Bokuto was hoping that Terushima wanted his phone number for other reasons too.

 

“Sure, can I have yours too so I know who it is when you contact me?”

 

“Sure, here you go.” They wrote down their numbers on a sheet of scrap paper and exchanged them. They sat down and talked for a little while so that Terushima could get an idea about why Bokuto wanted that kind of tattoo, he said it was to design one Bokuto would like but the blond undercut seemed to be asking more personal questions than necessary.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tsukki walked into the gym to see that only Kuroo was there, and he cursed under his breath, he didn’t want to be alone with Kuroo right now. But his fear was quickly dissipated as Bokuto came up behind him with Iwaizumi and Oikawa close behind.

 

“Hey hey hey!” Bokuto seemed to yell the words as he threw his fists up in front of himself for Tsukki to bump them. “We haven’t seen you in forever, where have you been?”

 

“Umm, I’ve been working on my classes.” Tsukki stammered and kind of backed away from Bokuto.

 

“Is that all?” Bokuto seemed surprised, Tsukki backed up further, he forgot how loud Bokuto could be.

 

“Would you calm down?” Iwaizumi asked annoyed, as he walked out from behind Bokuto. “It’s good to see you.” This was directed at Tsukki.

 

“Thanks for working with me.” Tsukki said with a slight bow.

 

“You should bow lower to your elders Megane-kun.” Oikawa said glaring at Tsukki. Iwaizumi promptly hit him in the head with a ball. “Mean Iwa-chan!” Oikawa whined.

 

“Thanks.” Tsukki said bowing to Iwaizumi again.

 

“No problem, tell me if he’s being mean to you, you should quite being an ass Shittykawa.” The others started to filter in to the gym, Yamaguchi came first, then Akaashi, followed by Sugawara, Hinata and Kageyama came in holding hands, that was new Tsukki thought. Then a few minutes later Daichi came in talking animatedly with Yaku and Kenma Tsukki looked surprised, he hadn’t expected to see those two. Sugawara and Akaashi hadn’t moved on to college volleyball, but he knew that they still came to the team practices to keep in shape and Kuroo was ok with it. Apparently Kenma hadn’t moved into college volleyball either as he sat by the side of the court playing his game. Tsukki was wondering why in the world Kenma was here if he wasn’t going to play when Kuroo called them to attention.

 

“We have a new player with us today!” Kuroo said with a wide grin he grabbed Tsukki’s wrist and made him step in front of everyone.

 

“Tsukki! How are you doing?” Sugawara asked, he was the first to respond to the surprising announcement.

 

“Ahh, I’m doing fine.” Tsukki said flat-toned as ever.

 

“Oh c’mon how is your ankle? Better?”

 

“It’s fine, although I’m wearing a brace to keep it from getting hurt again.”

 

“Good! I’m glad you’re better!” Suga slapped his shoulder, and everyone else came up to greet him. Akaashi was polite, and Tsukki was glad to see him again, Daichi was the same as ever, Hinata was practically bouncing, and Kageyama said he was glad to have him on the team. Then Yaku came up and said he was happy to see Tsukki and hoped they could get along well.

 

Practice went about how Tsukki had expected it to, it was hard but he was still able to block some of the spikes, Hinata’s were the easiest as always, but Bokuto’s blew through him all but once. The rest of his days were filled with school work and practice and this want, he knew what he wanted, but he was never going to let himself get hurt like that again.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr here --> http://animemeg13.tumblr.com/
> 
> Criticisms are always appreciated and any comments or kudos are fine!
> 
> Also I want to do some prompt writing for Haikyuu!! so tell me here, or on Tumblr.


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